Submission to a higher authority is a concept that is found throughout Scripture. So much so, that we could say it is foundational to the Christian faith. Faith believes what God has said to the point of doing what He requires without questioning His authority.
In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were given the freedom to choose between submission and rebellion. They chose to rebel, and today we are still living with the consequences of rebellion.
In another garden, the Garden of Gethsemane, another man, Jesus, was given the freedom to choose between submission and rebellion. He chose to submit, and through His submission to His Father’s will He brought eternal life to millions.
The choice to rebel against authority is often fueled by a desire to experience the freedom of independence from authority. This is an illusion, because when we rebel against God-ordained authority (our parents, our husband, our church), we come under the tyranny of another dominion—Satan’s dominion.
Submission becomes a choice between two superpowers—God’s or Satan’s. God’s eternal plan is to save you from eternal destruction. Satan’s plan is to bring you to eternal destruction. The choice becomes ours.
God has established earthly authority: Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation –Rom 13:1-2.
This passage is referring to civil authority. It is clearly stated that civil authority is “ordained of God” and that to resist civil authority is to resist the “ordinance of God”. This is one example of God-ordained earthly authority. The purpose of civil authority is civil order and tranquility.
God has ordained an order of headship in the home. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body –Eph 5:22-23. And… But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God –1Co 11:3.
In a previous article we addressed the role of the husband to be a loving, caring head. In this article we will unpack the meaning of submission. We will begin by assuming that your head (husband) is a loving, caring head. Later we will address the issue of having a head that is not ideal.
The call in this passage is to submission. Submission is a condition of the heart. Submission must be voluntarily given. It cannot be forced. A husband may be able to force obedience, but he cannot force submission. Obedience is the act of complying with a higher power; submission is the act of choosing to surrender the will.
In marriage, the decision to submit or to rebel lies with the wife. Her decision determines under whose dominion she will live—God’s or Satan’s. If she chooses a life of submission, she will reap the rewards of living under the blessing of God. Let’s examine a few of them…
…Power
A modestly dressed woman who has her head covered and is living in submission to her husband or father emits an aura of divine presence wherever she goes.
Our daughter just began working in a local nursing home. Recently she commented about how differently men treat her as compared with her coworkers. She receives none of the rude stares or coarse jokes that others receive. Instead men hold doors for her and treat her with dignity.
There is more at work here than just “look like a lady, get treated like a lady”. The Apostle Paul wrote that For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels –1Co 11:10.
This verse is found in the middle of Paul’s teaching on headship. He is saying that a woman who is living under her husband’s authority is given spiritual power. This power comes from choosing to live in the sphere of God’s dominion instead of Satan’s.
…Protection
A wife who is under the authority of her husband is protected in many ways. Men are ordained to lead, and most men want to lead. Men thrive under the challenge of leadership. Decisions that may overwhelm a wife will motivate the man. This may vary according to the personality of the couple, but as a rule this is true.
My wife has a definition of submission that she likes. She says, “Submission is ducking so that he gets the blow.” While not a biblical quote, the concept is true. Submission is placing the responsibility on the shoulder of the one who has been ordained by God to carry that responsibility.
The Apostle Peter tells wives they should respond to their husbands …Even as [just like] Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement –1Pe 3:6.
When Abraham and Sarah traveled into Egypt, Abraham was concerned for his life. He asked Sarah to tell the Egyptians that she was his sister, which was “half true” (she was his half-sister). Sarah had a decision to make. Should she submit, or rebel?
She chose to submit and leave the situation and results in the hands of a higher authority. The initial outcome was that she was taken into Pharaoh’s harem. This act of submission required a faith not unlike the faith of her husband Abraham when he was asked by God many years later to offer up their son Isaac as a burnt offering. It may be that Sarah’s faith choice here in Egypt empowered him when he faced his time of testing.
Sarah’s faith was rewarded with divine intervention. God acted on her behalf and troubled the house of Pharaoh because of Sarah, prompting Pharaoh to return Sarah to her husband Abraham. The Apostle Peter recommends Sarah as an example of godly submission.
There are two subversive lies that are prominent in our day.
Lie Number One: “A loving husband will never ask his wife to do something that she does not want to do.” This lie is intended to neutralize the authority of the husband. A wife who has never had her will crossed knows nothing about submission.
Lie Number Two: “In a loving relationship a wife should never need to suffer.” It is the nature of submission, not just for wives, but for all who would live godly, that the will must yield, and the flesh must bow to the Spirit.
Even Jesus learned …obedience by the things which he suffered; –Heb 5:8. This means that He yielded to the will of His Heavenly Father even though it meant the agony of the cross and momentary separation from God.
This is not a license for abuse in marriage. It is rather facing the reality that the blending of two lives into one requires a yielding of wills and a willingness to change for the health of the relationship. Am I saying that the wife must do all of the yielding? No! I have covered the role of the husband in previous articles. In this article we are speaking to the wives on their role in submission.
…Peace
The third fruit of submission that we want to address is that of peace. The Apostle Peter in addressing wives gives this directive: Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price –1Pe 3:3.
Note that after cautioning against outward adornment he urges women to focus their energies on developing and maintaining the “hidden man of the heart … even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit”.
He recommends this ornament as a rare and precious jewel to be coveted and ardently sought after as an enhancement to feminine grace and beauty.
Men intuitively understand that a woman who will not yield herself to male leadership will make for a contentious relationship. Inversely, a woman who freely yields herself to the headship of her husband possesses a feminine grace and serenity that bears witness to “the hidden man of the heart”.
This meek and quiet spirit also has a profound influence in the home. The spirit of the mother toward her husband is quickly mirrored in the hearts of the children. If the mother is at rest with her role in the home, she can create an atmosphere of peace.
If the mother is resisting her husband’s leadership in the home, she is, by default, training her children to rebel against the leadership of their father. One father decided that he did not want his family to be listening to instrumental music. While their father was at work their mother allowed them to listen to instrumental music. When their sons reached their teen years, both of them experienced a season of rebellion. Their mother trained them to disregard the authority of their father.
Examine the lives of godly men and women and you will find that the secret of their peace was a resignation of their will to the will of God. They understood that no man can thwart the eternal plan of God for their lives and they rested in this assurance.
The Dysfunctional Head
God’s plan for the husband to be the head and the wife to submit to that head is a blessing to the family if we are considering a godly husband and wife relationship. But what if the husband is not a godly man? What is a wife to do if her husband is not providing spiritual leadership in the home? What if he is actually sinning and leading his family into sin?
These are hard questions and currently there are conflicting answers available. Much of the counsel available today is based on popular psychology which is driven by emotional responses. Our intent is to turn to Scripture for answers to these difficult situations.
Allow me to ask several questions and provide a biblical response:
1. Has your husband broken covenant?
The strength of covenant is being challenged in our churches in our day. While we have taken a strong position against divorce, we are weakening on “covenant for life”. Many women today are walking away from their marriages due to their husband’s moral failure.
While this response “feels” right, it is often motivated by seeking revenge or avoidance of suffering. This response is essentially a second breach of covenant. I am not suggesting that the wife ignore the problem or cover for him or enable him. I am suggesting that she “fight for her marriage”.
I am suggesting that she assume the position that “we” have a problem (not that she has sinned, but because she is in covenant with her husband who has sinned) and that she enter into the search for a redemptive solution.
I am suggesting this because I have observed marriages that have remained strong in spite of the husband’s failure when the wife came along side and helped him to overcome.
For more on this subject I recommend that you read my article “The Strength of Covenant” in the Summer 2019 issue of the “The Heartbeat of the Remnant”. For a biblical example of commitment to covenant read the book of Hosea.
2. Is your husband sinning?
What is a godly wife’s response to a husband who is sinning apart from a breach of covenant? The Apostle Peter gives a direct answer to this question in his epistle. He wrote: Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear –1Pe 3:1-2.
Here he is addressing a situation where the husband is rejecting the gospel (without the word). Peter is not suggesting that she cannot speak into the situation. He is suggesting that the most powerful influence against his unbelief is the upright behavior of the wife.
In the last verse he adds “coupled with fear”. This is not referring to timidity or anxiety. This is referring to a godly reverence for the husband in spite of his unbelief.
What is a godly wife’s response to a husband who is sinning? She cannot force him to change, but through prayer and a godly, reverent lifestyle, Peter says that he can be won.
3. Is your husband requiring you to sin?
I ask this question because many wives are deserting or destroying their marriages because of issues that are really not moral issues. She simply does not agree with him and the relationship becomes a battle for control.
Before taking an issue to the next level of reporting to another authority or going for counseling ask yourself, “Is this really a sin issue? Am I willing to sacrifice my marriage over this? Is God big enough to handle this situation if I support my husband in this way?”
Many if not most marriage conflict begins with issues that are not moral issues at all—merely a difference of opinion. In these kinds of conflicts, the husband should hear the heart of the wife and consider her point of view, but ultimately if submission has any application at all in a marriage, then the wife must concede to the husband’s leadership.
4. Is your husband resisting his authority?
If you as a wife are beginning to feel trapped in a situation that you cannot change let me offer this solution. You can appeal to your husband’s authority. Your husband is under authority. You can appeal to his authority be it church authority, employer, or even civil authority.
The principles of Matthew 18:15-17 are not limited to brethren and can be applied to a marriage relationship. If you are unable to resolve your marriage conflicts reach out to others in the church or community for help. Know that there is help available.
As Anabaptist people we are reluctant to report to civil authorities. We are witnessing the devastation that occurs when civil laws are broken, and the church covers the crime and fails to report it. I am referring to child molestation and similar crimes.
A wife can become complicit in crime if she is aware of a crime and fails to report. It is not necessary for her to sue or even to press charges. She is merely being a witness.
Summary
I understand that this is a difficult subject to address. It is impossible for me to address every likely scenario. I trust that I have given enough encouragement that you can understand that God’s way, the biblical model, is the best way. If you are in the midst of conflict, try God’s way and allow God to show Himself strong in your life.
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