But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. -Titus 2:1-5
Time seems to continually move on at an ever-increasing rate of speed. It seems like only a short time ago that we were eagerly anticipating our wedding. Today we look back and wonder where the time has gone. My wife and I have been married now for twenty plus years and I am “over-the-hill” being closer to 50-years-of-age than I am to 40. We have eight children, ranging in age from 21 years to 21 months. Five of them are girls with the first four coming before any sons. I can assure you that earlier in life I felt a bit hen-pecked at times when I was the only man in a house with five “ladies.” I have found that these circumstances provided an opportunity for learning how to better understand the differences between how men and ladies think and function.
This, however, is not what I wish to focus on in this brief discourse. Over the years the Lord has allowed us the privilege of interacting with many different church groups across the country. Repeatedly, there has been the same type of questions and comments shared in church after church. This “problem” doesn’t seem to be a respecter of persons, nor does it seem to be limited to any specific church or church group. It also doesn’t seem to be contained to any specific geographical area, either regional or national. Rather, this problem seems to be consistent with a normal struggle of humanity while living here on this earth.
Some questions and requests that can be heard from sisters include the following: “I want to be a godly wife, but I’m not quite sure how.” “I want to be the type of mother that God is pleased with, but I feel so lacking and uncertain.” “I know my mom did her best, but how can I improve in the areas in which she was weak if I don’t have anyone to help me?” I think you get the point.
Many, many sisters find themselves in situations of responsibility and yet they sense they are lacking in preparedness. Just remember this; God in His divine wisdom created mankind in such a way that children grow up learning how to be parents by observing how dad and mom did it. Then when adult children realize their parents were lacking in certain areas, they can claim the promise of God that He will be a Father to the fatherless. He will teach and enable any one of us to learn how to live and respond in any area of life that we find ourselves falling short of or not knowing how.
Another area of struggle in the middle of this issue is that sometimes older sisters tend to respond out of their frustrations in life when they share with others. This tends to come across as discouragement instead of a blessing or a help. We’ve sometimes heard an older sister share with a younger sister something like, “If you think being a mom is challenging now, just wait until your children become teenagers, that’s when it really becomes difficult”, or the opposite extreme “I know it’s tough now when the children are young, but just hang in there until they get older, that’s when life will be enjoyable”.
Is this really communicating with the golden rule as our guide – do unto others as we would have them do unto us? Are either of these two responses the way you would like to be “encouraged” or “comforted”? Ultimately, this is the question we all should be asking – “Are these views in accordance with God’s view of motherhood as taught in His Word?” It would be much better to help every young mother find the peace and joy of being in the center of God’s will no matter how many dirty dishes there are, nor how big the pile of soiled diapers has become. Doesn’t God want to meet each sister amid every mundane duty of life? Just think of it …whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. -Colossians 3:17 Also, Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. -1 Corinthians 10:31
Let’s not point to some distant future time of life that we can look forward to, either with dread, or with anticipation, all in the effort of trying to endure the challenges of today. Rather, let’s encourage each other in the Truth of God’s Word. Let’s …lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; -Hebrews 12:12 and let’s pray for one another. Finally, let’s persevere in finding God’s strength for today. Through these efforts each sister will be enabled to find her fulfilment in the center of God’s will. She will know peace and rest in her heart no matter what circumstances God allows into her life. And through it all she will have hope for the future, come what may.
So, what about it, do you see yourself as an older sister or a younger sister? What determines whether you are an older sister? Is it your age, or your maturity? Is God speaking about physical age or does He mean spiritually older? Does He mean how many years have you been a Christian? Or is He looking for someone who has learned some wisdom from the Lord? So many questions. How does one know the Lord’s will?
Over the years I’ve had the privilege of interacting with numerous older sisters in various situations. Numerous times I have suggested to an older sister that she consider teaching a class for the sisters or consider being proactive in reaching out to a younger sister to share some of the things that the Lord has taught her through life. Almost always those sisters have responded with: “I don’t feel that I have anything to offer”, “I still have so many struggles in my own life that I don’t think I should be the one doing that”, “I have failed so much in life as a wife and a mother that it would seem foolish or hypocritical for me to try to teach other sisters”.
I’m sure this may not always be the case and perhaps you’re not one who thinks this way. But why, oh why, does this continue to be such a prevailing theme in so many sisters’ lives and in so many churches? It appears there is a great disconnect between what the Scriptures teach and the reality of many Christian women.
With God as your source, with Christ as your answer and with the Holy Spirit as your guide into all Truth, surely each one of you has something of benefit to share with another sister. Surely, each one of you has learned something in life that you can pass on to another. Surely, each of you has had at least one area in life that God’s Spirit has ministered to you, bringing you comfort which you in turn can pass on to another.
Here a word of caution would be in order. In the middle of this whole issue there are sisters who start trying to move forward in obedience on this issue, but then end up crossing the line and going beyond the clear teachings of Titus chapter two. Some start teaching doctrine, (which God’s Word tells us is the responsibility of us husbands and of the church leaders). Others don’t seem to see the clear line of teaching just women, instead they present their thoughts in a way that is also teaching the men. Then there are the sisters who do a great job of teaching only the sisters, but their failure is that they follow in the footsteps of the world and start teaching feminism or a mixture of Christianity and humanism. Many are the teachings for sisters that undermine or twist the clear, simple teachings of the Scriptures.
Many a sister has received input from another sister through a talk or reading a book or an article about what it means to be a godly woman. Most never stop to ask themselves whether the counsel they received is in accordance with the clear teachings of God’s Word. Many modern-day philosophies that are taught on being godly women and on Biblical child-rearing actually fail quite miserably when evaluated with the Scriptures. Very few are the “teachers of women” in Christendom today who still advocate a clear position on Biblical headship order or the blessings of an unfaltering obedience to the Lord regardless of circumstances, or feelings. Many are the teachings that provide excuse for a woman to no longer need to obey God’s Word IF their husband or father isn’t quite the godly man they think he should be. So many excuses are presented that many women start to believe that God really didn’t mean what His Word says or “surely His grace allows exceptions in less-than-ideal situations such as my own”, or “surely God didn’t know about my situation when He wrote that specific command”.
Finally, back to our older sisters sharing with their younger sisters. As believers let’s strive to be true to God and faithful unto the end of our lives. Let’s always compare what we share with the clear teachings of God’s Word. Let’s draw near to God so He can draw near to us. Let’s open ourselves to the comfort God desires to provide us with, then let’s be purposeful in extending that same comfort to those around us that God brings into our lives who need that same comfort (-see 2 Corinthians 1:3-7). Let’s realize that …There is none righteous, no, not one: -Romans 3:10, and let’s be honest in the reality that If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. -1 John 1:8 As we see our own undoneness and humanity, we will see our need of the Lord in our lives every day in order to live for Him. It is out of this Godly reality that we can then share with others that same reality – the reality that we are not perfect and never will be on this side of eternity. The reality that God knows this and yet still He expects and enables a walk of daily obedience and victorious freedom over sin, thereby giving us the ability to walk in newness of life. Therefore, by extension “what God has done and is doing for me, He can also do for you”. The bottom line is this; as you as you share, what is in your heart will come out – pride or humility, love or hypocrisy, compassion or condemnation. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. -Romans 12:16
I would like to encourage each of you to …seek [the Lord] …with all your heart -Jeremiah 29:13. Realize that our feelings are fickle and untrustworthy, so we should …walk by faith, not by sight -2 Corinthians 5:7. Each one of us needs to continually be both a learner and a teacher. As we realize that we are still learning our teaching will be much more effective, since the reality that we don’t “have it all together” will be evident as we share. It is through sharing what God has done for us and has taught us, while at the same time being honest that we are still learning, that reveals to all that none of us are better than the other. We are each going through this journey of life. We are mortal mankind in need of help – help from God and from our fellow man.
One final thought. It seems there are many pressures for women today. The pressure to be somebody, to find themselves, to excel, to be beautiful, to be noticed, or to be in control of their situation. You can continue the list with your own observations. It seems that at its root, these pressures are welcomed in an effort to understand the deepest felt need of women – the need to be fulfilled. To this I wish to say that if it is a true need then God will supply it in His time and in His way. If He does not supply it, then it’s really not a true need, but rather a wish, a want, or a desire. Secondly, if a sister desires to be fulfilled, she usually feels that fulfillment will come from something. This felt reality is supported and strengthened by much of the teaching coming out of women’s seminars, women’s books, women’s support groups, women’s mentoring programs, and women’s counseling centers. All these methods, programs, and teachings seem to provide some measure of encouragement, but unless they are completely founded upon God’s clear Truth these sisters will always sense an emptiness within. The ONLY place of true fulfillment that women seek after, will be found in the pages of Scripture, as each sister draws near to God without reserve, without personal agenda, without all the outside voices. True fulfillment will be realized ONLY when an individual understands and becomes secure in the center of God’s will.
How can ye believe, which receive honour one of another, and seek not the honour that cometh from God only? -John 5:44
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