A few years ago, I was wallowing in emotional and physical burn out, trying to adjust to life outside of the African village we had called home for eight years. Depression and fear were a regular part of my life. As I slowly crawled out of the hole I was in (a hole I never realized I had fallen into until it was too late for an easy remedy), I began to notice beauty.
In those intense years of ministry and language-learning in the village, spending time on beauty seemed like a waste of time. And, honestly, we lived in a village with very little beauty to offer, the only brightness being the vibrantly colored clothing the women wore. The mud houses, the flat landscape, and dust everywhere, was daily life for most months of the year. Though I’m a lover of peace, quiet, and beautiful things, I made very little space in my life for any of it, even the things I could have done in that environment.
We now live in an easier place; the Southern Highlands of Tanzania. Here there is fresh air and sunshine the whole year long, flowers of all kinds, and a lovely house with smooth floors and freshly painted walls. And it’s now that I realize how important beauty is to the soul and how important it is to actually notice the beautiful things in my life and create beauty at every possible moment.
Being a mother and homemaker, no matter where in the world God has placed us, is a beautiful thing in itself if we really see it for what it is. It’s easy to complain about the daily mundane things that make up my life, the constant dust, or the fact that I’m cooped up in our compound week after week. But I have been surprised with joy. Here’s a few things I love to do to keep life fresh and inspiring…
…Writing
I especially like to write about the goodness and faithfulness of God. True joy comes from Him, not my circumstances. I’ve believed that for years, but it’s just recently that I’ve actually experienced this reality. My focus is so easily homed in on the things that I wish would be different, thinking that without the uncertainty and difficulties, I’d be happy. I now realize that difficulties have very little to do with the amount of joy found in my heart. Instead, we can allow difficulties to teach us what true joy is and where it comes from.
…Keeping a reasonably clean, pleasant house.
I try to get rid of the extras and replace the dirty, the dingy, and the ugly with something that is beautiful and lovely. Get rid of the limp, ugly curtain in the schoolroom and replace it with a fresh yellow one (yes, even if it does take a few dollars to do so, I remind my penny-pinching soul).
…Clearing off all horizontal surfaces
One of my goals is to clean off all flat surfaces in my house and leave only pleasant, tasteful things. I function so much better if my house is a restful, orderly place. Even though with five children, restful and orderly are relative terms, I’m learning that the rush and mess and noise of a family are beautiful too. It makes the clean floor all the more amazing and thankworthy because it’s a rare experience.
…Doing something fun with my children
I like to plan something fun to do with my children, such as a fun science project, or an outing. Our favorite is outings to the flower gardens, which are grown here in town along the roadside as a showcase to give other people ideas of how to grow and care for flowers. Tucked into corners here and there I find all the common flowers I was used to seeing in the states. It’s delightful and even more fun when some of the children share my love for growing things.
…Serving food tastefully
Even rice and beans can be served in pretty bowls instead of the messy pots they were cooked in. Raid your local market and you will be surprised with what you can find in glassware and other beautiful dishes that brighten your table.
…Speaking cheerfully
Speak cheerfully—to the laundry lady, the house helper, or the neighbor. I can’t spend a lot of time in ministry with people other than my children, but there’s always people coming around that I can touch with a smile, kindness, or any help they are needing. It’s easy to be peeved over the fact that the produce vendor can’t remember to NOT come in the morning while I’m teaching school, and her voice at the door interrupts us again. And what do math facts, bread dough, and dirty floors really have to do with joy? How does the noise of life and cantankerous personalities blend with the eternal? It’s all mixed up in my heart; often with the dusty realities on top and threatening to spill over, but if I give in to peevish attitudes that is a true joy killer.
…Spending time appreciating the beauty of nature
This rests my mind and draws my heart to God. Though I’ve never lived in the Garden of Eden or places of equal beauty, there’s always something to notice, something as small as a patch of green grass struggling to survive the dry season, (which is a season of trial for me here in this country). It’s cold (45 degrees or colder in the morning). The green growth and refreshing rains are over. Everything green is dying or has long been dead. Even the house roofs have lost their color as the dust covers every possible surface and threatens to suffocate the inspiration out of humans as well. Even the mountain in view from my kitchen window has lost its beautiful patchwork of gardens and fields. It stands bare and sober, waiting with bated breath for rain—just like my heart. But I’ve delighted in one little patch of earth in our back yard that I keep watered. There are peace lilies, roses, hibiscus and other bright flowers blooming, and succulents growing in delightful little pots. I lug heavy buckets of water to that spot and sometimes take all five of my children on the city buses to go visit yet another flower garden in search of more flowers. It’s not a waste of time for me, as that little spot in my back yard during this dry season refreshes my heart over and over again!
…Practicing gratefulness
With a very busy husband I don’t have a lot of time with him and he doesn’t have a lot of time for carefree time with the children. However, I’m making it a habit to notice the small things that do happen, like looking out my kitchen window and seeing him sitting on a mat with the girls, just enjoying them. I stand and watch, thanking God for that moment. It could have gone unnoticed, especially if my heart was full of peevish ungratefulness. Noticing the tiny flashes of joy throughout my day eventually makes my life seem full of joy, though in reality my life has plenty of trials and challenges.
Life here in town is easier in so many ways, but we’ve been bombarded with many challenges working with the government which has consumed Tim’s time and energy. Even though we haven’t lived in the village for over four years, we were doing a lot of support work for our fellow missionaries there and making trips back to where we still felt was our home. But all of us have been banned from that village and have had to work hard to even obtain the necessary documents needed to simply stay in the country.
Recently our compound in the village was taken over by the local army, just weeks after two Tanzanian missionary families moved in. When Tim traveled back to communicate and to hand over the keys out of respect for the ones who were forcing us to do this, he was insulted with hours of irrational anger and mistreatment, along with a lot of demands. Of course, our hearts were broken about seeing our house used for army training rather than for those precious new missionary families who were leaving their homes in town in order to take on the work there.
My husband is exhausted, both physically and emotionally, yet this morning he left for another trip back to the village to “heap on coals of fire” by giving the angry army officer a solar panel and a transformer, on top of the other things he demanded. It’s our reasonable service. And yes, my heart had tears in it as I stood at the window and watched him go. I know that he’s only subjecting himself to more mistreatment and that hurts my heart. But I also know that it’s only through these things that God teaches me joy. As I surrender things dear to my heart I’m emptied of my own desires. There’s nothing to hang on to anymore and nothing to fight for. So, there’s plenty of room for God to fill my heart with what he wants in there—Joy.
Yes, life hasn’t brought a lot of serendipity my way. There have been a lot of tears, but that’s not my focus anymore, as I purposefully bring beauty into every possible crevice of my life and delight in the surprise of joy. My quest is to allow my home and this tiny space on this earth to be a place where God’s kingdom comes. It can’t be all about happy things, peace and serendipity, because that isn’t given to me. It’s got to be all about something really good going on in my heart and how that affects everything that my hands touch. My heart can be declaring the works of the Lord as I see him using trials in my life to build my faith and the faith of others looking on. In that way His kingdom comes into this small place, in this little crevice of a life, in this space, empty of inspiration, except for His amazing grace which turns trial into joy.
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