If marriage is a covenant, what is the significance of covenant relationship? What makes it a covenant relationship, and how does this differ from any other relationship? These are answers that we must pursue if we are to understand the permanence of marriage and if we are to successfully navigate the rocky shores of a troubled marriage.
Covenant in our society has become archaic. The cultural revolution of the sixties has made divorce culturally acceptable, and life-long fidelity in marriage has become the exception rather than the rule. Unfortunately, this blight has infected most mainstream churches and is currently invading our Anabaptist churches.
Covenant is God’s idea. He is the primary covenant maker. His holy name “Jehovah” indicates that God is always true to His word. The Hebrew origin of “Jehovah” is yeh-ho-vaw. This word combines two Hebrew verbs of being. A most literal translation for the name yeh-ho-vaw would be (is is) or as God said to Moses “I am that I am.”
God’s name “Jehovah” indicates that God is always true to His word, that he cannot lie, and that He is true to His character. James states it this way: Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning –Jas 1:17.
What makes a covenant?
Careful investigation of scripture will reveal that there are three key elements in the establishment of a covenant.
- Words
- Witnesses
- That which ratifies the covenant
Words
Words define the terms and conditions of a covenant. It is very important that the terms and conditions of the covenant be clearly defined and understood by both parties involved. When God made covenant with Abraham, He spake and said, And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee –Gen 17:7.
When God made covenant with the nation of Israel at Mt Sinai, He gave them the Law which was the terms and conditions of the Mosaic covenant.
In our Bibles today we have the Old and the New Testament. This refers to the Old and the New Covenant. In the New Testament we have the teachings of Jesus and His Apostles which supersede the Old Testament law. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said repeatedly, “You have heard that it hath been said, but I say unto you.”
The Hebrew writer had this to say about the New Covenant: But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises –Heb 8:6.
On our wedding day we use words with precise meaning to establish a covenant that is binding “…till death do us part.” Wedding vows may contain some variation but should always include a commitment to a mutually loving relationship that is binding for life, and thus irrevocable.
Witnesses
Another important part of a covenant is the witnesses. Witnesses provide validation and accountability to the vows that have been made. This is especially true of a covenant made between two people.
When Joshua re-established the covenant with Israel upon entering the land of Canaan, he challenged them: And Joshua said unto the people, Ye are witnesses against yourselves that ye have chosen you the LORD, to serve him. And they said, We are witnesses –Jos 24:22. What they were saying was that, “We will hold one another accountable for the commitments that we are making today.”
Regarding the New Covenant, we have the testimony of the Apostle John where he says: For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit, and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in one –1Joh 5:7-8. Here John is saying that in this New Covenant between God and man there are three witnesses in heaven and three witnesses in earth, and these witnesses all agree.
In the establishment of a marriage covenant the wedding guests are the witnesses. Every guest becomes a witness of the vows that are made. By their presence and blessing, they validate the marriage and become personally responsible to ensure that this marriage endures.
This community commitment to the permanence of marriage is the moral fabric of our society and our churches. When a society becomes negligent in enforcing the permanence of marriage, chaos and confusion ensue. We see this in the society around us. Unfortunately, we are also seeing an increasing number of marriage breakups within our Anabaptist churches.
That which ratifies the covenant
The final step in establishing a covenant is that which ratifies and renders binding and effective the terms of the covenant. Historically there have been a variety of methods of binding a covenant. Ancient Bedouins had a practice of using salt to bind a covenant. Each party would give to the other a measure of salt. The salt was mixed with their respective stores of salt making it impossible to ever separate “my salt” from “your salt.” This symbolized the immutability of this treaty.
Then there was the practice of berith. Berith is a Hebrew word that means “to cut.” In ancient Israel a covenant was ratified by “cutting a covenant.” This practice is clearly illustrated in Genesis 15 where God ratified His covenant with Abraham. Abraham asked God, …Lord GOD, whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it? –Gen 15:8. God’s response to Abraham’s plea was …Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon –Gen 15:9. Abraham took these animals and divided them in the midst and lay them out as a sacrifice to God. God reaffirmed His covenant with Abraham (with words), and then in verse 17, we have this mysterious event: And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp that passed between those pieces –Gen 15:17. This was “berith” or the “cutting of the covenant.” This ceremony ratified and rendered binding the terms and conditions of the covenant. After this event, we have no record that Abraham ever questioned or doubted the promise of God, although he did take it into his own hands to bring that promise to fruition.
When God made covenant with Israel at Mt Sinai, …Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people, and said, Behold the blood of the covenant, which the LORD hath made with you concerning all these words –Exo 24:8. This blood rendered binding and effective the terms and conditions set forth in the law—this was the Old Covenant.
When God made covenant with you and I at Mt Calvary, the blood of Jesus became the ratifying evidence or the binding token of His New Covenant with us. When we partake of the communion, we are commemorating the covenant that we have with God through Christ.
What ratifies the marriage covenant? As we have already seen, in a marriage we have words (the vows), and we have witnesses (the guests). Does this complete the marriage? No. The marriage is not complete until there is a coming together in physical intimacy. This completes or, as we sometimes say, consummates the marriage covenant. This is that which ratifies and renders binding and permanent the terms and conditions of the marriage covenant. Early on in Scripture we have example of this. And Adam knew Eve his wife… Gen 4:1. Then later on we see another example, And Isaac brought her [Rebekah] into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her… –Gen 24:67. Physical oneness belongs to covenant. This is why such a relationship outside of marriage is sin. Fornication or adultery takes that which God has ordained to be inextricably linked to marriage and adulterates the covenant.
When a married couple comes together in physical union they are commemorating and celebrating their marriage covenant. This is the start of them establishing a biblical “one flesh” reality. From this blessed union new life emerges in the form of precious “little ones” and of hearts that are renewed by the power of love.
When we partake of the bread and the wine of communion we are commemorating and celebrating our covenant relationship with Christ. From this blessed oneness new life emerges in the form of hearts that are renewed by the power of love. This is the strength of covenant.
Where these three elements exist—vows, witnesses, and that which ratifies—we have a covenant relationship. How does a covenant relationship differ from any other relationship?
A commitment to fidelity
Some of the most noble words that human lips can utter are “I promise to love you till death do us part.” On our wedding day these words are easy to utter, and we may be most sincere when we speak them. The fact is that no one can possibly know what those words may cost in the course of a lifetime.
Love is a choice and must become established and endure as an every day walk of life. We must choose to direct our affection toward the one of our covenant love and away from the enticements of others. Many, many marriages are destroyed through infidelity.
God has designed marriage to be powerfully bonding. The spiritual, emotional, and physical attachment of marriage creates an inseparable bond. In Genesis we read Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh –Gen 2:24. The word cleave in this verse denotes “being welded or glued together in such a way as to be inseparable.”
To break the marriage bond through infidelity causes rending and wounding to both parties. Satan, the great deceiver, would have us to believe that being unfaithful to our spouse will somehow benefit us. This is a huge lie.
A commitment to faithfulness
God demonstrated covenant faithfulness in his dealings with His Old Testament bride—the nation of Israel. She was not true to her covenant vows. She turned from the worship of Jehovah, and she bowed her knee to pagan altars. Despite her unfaithfulness, God continued to pursue her and call her back unto himself. Israel’s unfaithfulness did not alter God’s faithfulness. This is the strength of covenant love. Covenant love is not contingent upon the actions of the other party. Covenant love persists even though it is not reciprocated. This is a kingdom concept. Paul taught, Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head –Rom 12:20. Would this principle not most aptly apply to a broken marriage?
The strength of covenant can only be fully realized through an understanding of the divine love of God for us. Our salvation is dependent upon God’s perfect love for us. He continues to love us even though our love for Him is sometimes flawed. His unfailing love continues to draw us back unto himself. The strength of covenant in marriage is found in seeking to emulate this divine love. This divine love will not be found in romance novels or other books on marriage. This divine love can only be found in an intimate relationship with “The Source” of undying love.
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